{A Tutorial} Star Spangled Shorts

Last weekend, The Gentleman treated me to a mini shopping spree at Rue 21. I browsed through the store and found a few items I liked and then these shorts caught my eye:

Rue 21 Shorts

But then the price tag of $24.95 caught my eye too, and I turned them down. I've seen enough DIY shorts that there was no way I was going to pay $25 for a pair! So a few days later I went home, gathered the materials I'd need, and got to work.

Wordless Wednesday

Love and Respect: A relationship with The Mechanic

I’m sure by now most people have heard the phrase, “Men need respect and woman need love” – it’s becoming almost cliché. It’s the most repeated theme in the relationship books, blog posts, and scribbles from our parents The Gentleman and I have been reading. We take relationship maintenance as seriously as a car enthusiast takes his vehicle’s upkeep. We polish the good parts and sand down and fix the blemishes. We clean the interior and constantly inspect the undercarriage for worn places. But we’ve realized that if we take care of everything else but forget the “engine” of our relationship, we’re doomed to stall on the side of the road. The engine of our relationship is maintained by our relationship with Christ; the greatest relationship mechanic there’s ever been. When we stop keeping up with Him - when we stop praying and reading our Bibles – our “engine” starts missing. But by maintaining that relationship as well – if not more – than we maintain the one we have with each other, we are better able to keep the rest of our lives in balance. And you know what’s funny? Christ’s exact words to couples are, “However, each one of you [men] also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:35 NIV. Read 5:22-35 for the full lesson.)

Me and one of The Gentleman's vehicles

But here’s the catch: we’re not married. So how does that command work for couples in that awkward in-between stage? For us, and I realize that I’m no expert, it manifests itself by my treating The Gentleman as though he were my best friend whom I cherish with all my heart (and he is!) and I try to never say anything that would wound him or pierce the fragile armor around his heart, even when I don't feel like being respectful or loving (when I get angry or frustrated), and he does the same for me. Sure, there are bumps along the way. I can joke in a way that comes across cynically or mean, and he can be so focused on other things that I feel left out, but those two things are becoming less and less of a problem as we focus on the simple command Christ has given us. 

To love and respect is not an option - it's a command. 

Mary vs. Martha

A while back I was sitting in the living room of a pastor's home for his weekly house-church service. Attempting to be polite, I kept offering to help get things ready. The pastor said that he didn’t think there was anything that needed doing. I replied, “But you know me, and you know I can’t sit still – I’ve got to be doing something!” He looked at me with a smile and said, “Well, then, it looks like you need to sit down and listen, Martha!”*

Ouch.

That was a very simple lesson, only one sentence long, but it was profound and it has changed my outlook on how I approach being helpful. I’ve discovered 4 Rules for Christ-Honoring Helpfulness:

1.     If being helpful stops you from hearing about the needs of others, you’re doing something wrong. The Lord says to listen to others and be empathetic (Romans 12:15; Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.)

2.       Don’t use being helpful as an excuse to distract yourself from a real priority. You can help yourself into sinning if you’re too busy being helpful to hear the lesson the Lord is trying to teach you. This is the lesson Mary knew and what Martha had yet to learn.

3.       Being helpful can hamper your {emotional, spiritual, and physical} health. If acts of service is your spiritual gift, then this is most definitely something to watch for. You can so easily wear yourself to the bone helping others that you neglect yourself and your family. Make a point to learn how and when to say no, and then stick to that decision.

4.       Frankly, being helpful can annoy other people and you can get in their way! “Too many cooks spoil the broth” is not just a quaint saying, it’s the truth. Sometimes, staying out of the way is more help than you could ever imagine.

I’ve not gotten this down pat yet, but I sincerely am trying to learn. Any thoughts on helping?

*Luke 10:38:42

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”